The breakthrough

I have made it a purpose to continously write on this blog. I used to do it on an every day basis and stopped doing so for many reasons, but now...well, this is the beginning of a new beginning. Getting rid of the baggage has become a priority in my personal life. Things will change, because I have decided they will. I chose to experience many unpleasant situations in my life, but now, I choose to experience happiness. That, in itself, will make a difference. I have faith in it. And because this process is not error proof, I know I have the guidance I need in order to accomplish what I have set my mind on. I will be successful, because I want to be.

Note to myself:
This will be the last post written in english.

Mel and I

Melissa and Ryan (recent picture)

Melissa and I became friends back in high school. I was a sophomore and she was a junior. I was new at Marina High School, and unlike my previous HS, I became a minority there. My mom had made me switched to an "all-white" school in an effort to keep her sweet little Silvia out of getting into trouble with her hispanic friends. I hated her it back then, but I will be forever grateful for making that decission. I wouldn't have made the wonderful friends that I made and I wouldn't have gotten rid of that chip I used to carry around on my shoulder. Anyway, back to the point. Before I became friends with Tina, Steve and Eric...there was Melissa. We had P.E. together. I admit, I was scared of her. She would never talk to anyone and she just looked mean. Then, along came Jasmine. She so wanted to become my friend. She was the typical "wannabe" mexican. She thought we were so cool (still don't understand why)...anyway, she knew Mel from junior high and somehow we got to talking. She was the shyest, sweetest and funniest girl. We "clicked" (that was our word) instantly. Because of her I met Christina, Christie, Sandra...all the girls. It was so much fun. Because of her, I stopped feeling so odd in an "all-white" school.

We went through so much together. All the slumber parties, the heartbreaks, the DRAMA, Daniel's death, Alissa's birth...we were always together. After she graduated and I still had a year to go, things got a little cold, yet, we were the best of friends and ALWAYS there for eachother. By the time Steve, Tina and Eric were in the picture, she didn't feel like she fit in too much and I didn't fit in that much either with her group of friends. So we grew a little distant. I moved here (Mexico) and managed to keep in touch. She went to college, married and moved on...just like me (except for the marriage part). One fine day I called and the number didn't exist anymore. I e-mailed but all my e-mails got sent back. I just didn't know what was going on and we lost track of eachother for little over 3 years. In 05, it was the first time I visited my mom after I had moved. I went over to Melissa's parent's house. She obviously didn't live there anymore but at least they could give me her number or something. I walked up the drive way (looks like they remodeled-I thought), rang the doorbell and a woman answered.

-Hi (wondering who the hell she was) are Mr. and Mrs. Conae around?
And she looked puzzled

I think you have the wrong address- she replied

I stepped back and took a hard look at the house, wondering if perhaps I might have mistaken it.

No, I'm pretty sure this is it. Haven't been here in 7 years, but I know this is the house.

Then, seeing my confussion, she said "Oh honey, then you must be looking for the previous owners. We bought this house 4 years ago"

I honestly felt my heart break. I had lost all hope of finding Mel. The woman was really sweet and called the realtor she bought the house from, maybe she'd have a number or something. I was out of luck. They had no record of new numbers. I went back to Tina's house and told her what had happened. She didn't know what to say, there was no way of getting a hold of her, and trying to find her in OC...well, I might as well look for a needle in a haystack. That night (new year's eve) we all went out to a bar on sunset beach. Awesome place! We were drinking,playing pool and laughing so much. That was actually the first time I LEGALLY drank with my high school buddies hee hee. Anyway, Tina wanted to go to the restroom and I didn't want to go with her. So I stayed with Alaina and Jessica...when she got back, she tapped me on the shoulder and said "I told you, you should have gone to the bathroom with me" ...I was about to ask her what she meant by that, but the she moved out of the way and there she was! Little Mel. We screamed SO LOUD! I couldn't believe she was there! For a minute I thought Tina had set it all up, but turned out they just just ran into eachother. That was the best night. We laughed, partied and even cried a little. She told me she had gotten divorced (caught her husband cheating) and since they shared the e-mail address I used to write her at, well, she lost a lot of information...including my # and e-mail address.

Can't help but wonder how it was that we ran into eachoter that way...what are the odds? In a place as big as Orange County. Some people are just meant to be part of my life and a zip code difference will never change that.

We've been in touch ever since. I spoke to her a couple of days ago and told me her mom committed suicide. I felt awful for not being there with her, but these are the kind of moments, you know who your real friends are. Those who call you in time of despair. Despite the hard time dealing with death...again, she seems content and in love. She's planning on visiting next year. I can't wait. Maybe Tina and Steve will visit too.

I hardly every feel like this but today... I miss them. I miss them a lot.